So I basically just had a life changing experience with a cup of milk.

An actual serious topic? Wow...

I was thirsty. I went to the kitchen to get milk (because I'm not like you water drinking hippies or Kool-Aid drinking faggots. come at me), and I got a cup of it. And as I'm looking at the cup, I thought of the age-old question "Is the cup half empty, or half full?" and then I started to drink it.

It tasted like shit.

I pulled the cup away from my mouth and looked at the carton. It had expired a week ago. It was dead, gone, and was only bringing bad things to my life, small or big. It was foul. What once was good, had then turned to something that made me partially unhappy, and I was taken by it, by surprise, because I thought it was still good, until I learned what it really had planned for me.

And I thought "I need to pour this shit down the drain" for a few seconds, but then I thought "I'm thirsty. This is the only thing that can somewhat cure that right now." and you know what? Choked it down. Closed my eyes and choked it down, hoping for the best. Ten minutes later, which is now, I feel like shit. It's done many things to my stomach that makes it hurt, feel shitty, etc etc, but it's just milk. Something I thought was largely harmless and had done me no harm in the past outside of a few experiences.

But after I choked it down and thought about it for a few seconds, I realized that was how I
reacted to some people treating me like shit. I just take it. And as weird as it might sound, especially concerning milk, I never really realized that.

My friend 'Goose' said to pour it down the drain. I can't, because the way my house is, I'd smell that shit for days. He then told me to take out the trash. I can't, I might throw away more than I ever wanted. Then told me to go grocery shopping. I can't drive. Just gotta choke that shit back and hope things lighten up after a while, either it'll magically change, I'll gain a resistance/taste for it, or I'll take whatever it throws my way until I'm done with it, or I throw up all over the floor and it's done with me. I only mentioned this to Goose, partially out of embarrassment and the fact that I tell him everything and anything, but I know if any of my other friends knew, they'd tell me the same.

And so here I am. Not happy. But I still have the milk with me. Odd. Maybe it has what I want, and maybe need, but I won't get that. It doesn't want to give it to me. It can't, because of its life, and just what it is. What it has become. Something once good turned to something that brings me down.

And this, my friends, is why I never want to drink milk again. True story. But I know I will.

I'm fucked up, guys. I'm not happy. For those who know what I'm talking about, don't mention it here. I just can't really be happy in my current situation, and I apologize to whoever I bring down with me, because it won't be intentional, nor will it ever be, shit situation or not. Because you all are great, and I only wish the best for all of you in life, no matter what comes between us.

I'm in a hole, of sorts. But there's a few ways one can be in a hole. They always seem to just stumble into it, but what we do when we're in the hole is different for all of us, given the situation. Some of us dig ourselves deeper, intentionally or not. Sometimes someone else digs us deeper, or even attempts to bury us. Sometimes we find a way out, sometimes we don't.

And then there's people like me, who're in the hole, want out, trying to think of a way to get out, but mostly fantasize about getting out. False-hope for the moment, whatever keeps you happy. Or fantasizing about things getting better. I am one of those people.

I wish this was the summer of '08 again. At least I felt alive back then.

Go to college.

Abigor wrote:Go to college.

FUCK YOU